Dedicated To

A.j W, Alex G, Alex W, Amelia S, Amy H, Andersen P, Andre D, Andrea W-J, Andrew G, Angie M, April W, August F, Austin G, Bradley S, Brandon A, Brandon W, Brittany B, Cameron P, Carlton M, Chloe F, Chris G, Chrissy H, Christy S, Cindy W, Garrett C, D. W, Dan I, Daniel B, Danielle C, David W, David B, Dory B, Dylan H, Eckhard G, Edmund C, Emileigh T, Emily G, Emory P, Eric M, Eric R, Gina R, Grant W, Jackson B, Jake W, James Z, Jeff B, Jeremy S, Jeremy J, Jess G, Jesse S, Jessie D, Jordan K, Joshua P, Judy W, Justin M, Karen T, Katie G, Kevin D, Kevin M, Kevin S, Kevin W, Koshka K, LeAnne H, Lotus R, Lucas T, Manatu S, Margery C-T, Martin J, Matthew R, Megan H, Melissa H, Michael R, Mykle H, Nicole C, Nicole C, Paige S, Patrick W, Philip O, Randy C, Richard T, Rick S, Robert F-H, Robin P, Rose O, Sam R, Sonja N, Sonya B, Steve M, Steven R, Teresa M, Terri P, Tim E, Tony R, Travis G, Troy C, Tyler S, Uriah T, Vikranth V, Whitney S, William P, Yusuf A, Zak G and Zoe W

Explanation

On February 20th, 2010, I thought it would be fun to write a flash story for each of my friends on Facebook. I had 103 friends at the time, so I decided to limit each story to 103 words or less. Twelve stories later, I realized this wasn't going to be as easy I imagined. A little over six weeks after starting this, tonight actually, I wrote the last one.

And that's all she wrote.

Well, not quite. I followed one rule in particular. I decided to post each story to my friend's profiles as Facebook listed them, in first name starting alphabetical order. I also wrote the stories before looking who was next on the list to let as little I knew about that person influence the story I was sending to them.
I lost a couple friends during this time, and since I wasn't adding any new friends until I finished, I simply replaced lost friends with whoever had requested my friendship next. I also lost one friend who I had already wrote a story for and didn't want to lose the story I had written so I gave it to the next person in line. This caused a kink in the whole alphabetical order thing but so be it. Nobody's perfect.

I took a little liberty on the 103 words or less rule in that I considered any hyphenated word as one word. Some of these stories were edited for punctuation and other things and may not appear the same as they do on Facebook. Don't like it? Talk to my lawyer. (Meow!)

For better or worse, I present to you the results of my writing experiment.

Story #1

Two pieces of cheese needed a slice of bread real bad. They spent most of the day in parks talking to pigeons, but the birds only knew where the crumbs fall. That night, the pieces murdered a baker in an attempt to steal his brain and get the information that would help complete their existence.

Story #2

God fucked the universe. God fucked Satan. God fucked Adam. God fucked Lillith. Lillith fucked Adam. Adam tried to fuck Lillith but she wouldn't let him. Adam fucked God. God fucked Lillith, then fucked Eve. Adam fucked Eve. Satan fucked Eve. Eve fucked Satan. Eve fucked Adam. Adam fucked Satan. Adam and Eve fucked God. God got pissed off and fucked everybody until Jesus showed up... but that's a story for another time.

Story #3

The horrid stench of snot breathed itself upon the walls of the room. He sniffled. "Not again," he told himself, "I won't do it again." The slurch and swallop of the mucus as it crawled the walls accentuated the sound of construction outside. Or was it demolition? Didn't matter with the windows foiled over. He seemed to remember an eviction notice months ago. "Ah-" he started, but quickly stuffed two wine corks up each nostril. "Not again," he told himself, "I won't let it happen again."

Story #4

Harold blasted through office doors and down the sidewalk half a block towards his parked two-door coupe. He hurriedly dug around in his pants pockets for loose change. One quarter is all he needed. One quarter is exactly what Garvinel: Defender of Parking Meters was holding as he stood next to Harold's car. "It'll never happen again," Harold pleaded. "You are correct," Garvinel responded, "It shall never." Garvinel lifted his blade and chopped Harold in two. He dropped the quarter in the meter and patted it like a child.

Story #5

Timber drifts in the sea. There was an accident here. The fish all swim on by. Even the sun doesn't stick around. I release my bowels as I let go of the wood. Sinking to the bottom takes another 100,000 years.

Story #6

A semi-truck hauling a transparent cube stopped in front of Central Station. Riders waiting for trains to arrive glanced over. Inside the cube, standing next to a grand piano, was the Maestro. He bowed to the riders and sat. As he struck the first chords of an epic masterpiece of modern music the riders noticed no sounds were audible, and that in fact he was playing behind sound-proof glass. They danced anyway. The young students swayed their heads, a couple slow danced and two punk-rawkers moshed hard. The Maestro finished his piece, stood and bowed as the truck drove away.

Story #7

The crabgrass walks alone. The bluegrass has fled for warmer waters. With all this hay and wheat floating around you just know the underground is going to want a piece. Watch for palm trees, they can surprise even the wisest of mosses. Let's not spread out too fast. We don't want to alert them to our presence just yet.

Story #8

A cold cigarette marks the spot where my old lady jumped to her death. "It won't look like a suicide if I'm wearing a parachute pack," she told me, "And this way you'll get to keep the insurance money." I laughed at the sight of her standing on our 40th floor apartment balcony. "Honey," I said, "It's raining, come inside." She smiled all the way down. I laughed all the way to the bank.